Ion si Maria merg la Zoo si se opresc in fata custii unei gorile.Ion zice Mariei:
-Tu Marie,ia desfa-ti un nasture de la bluza!
-Ma Ioane tu esti bolund!
-Taci tu,desfa-ti numa un nasture! Maria isi desface un nasture.Gorila devine interesata.
-Marie,mai desfa-ti un nasture! Maria isi mai desface un nasture la bluza. Gorila incepe sa sara prin cusca si sa urle.
-Marie ,ia ridica-ti un pic fusta!
-Ma ,tu nu esti in toate mintile!
-Taci din gura si ridic-o numai un pic! Maria se conformeaza. Gorila incepe sa se bata cu pumnii in piept si sa urle. Ion deschide cusca si o impinge pe Maria inauntru,spunind:
-Ei,acum explica-i ca n-ai chef,ca esti obosita,ca esti la ciclu...!
Bancuri
Moderatori: johnnybravo, dr.pike, tudor, Adelin, Moderatori
Si cateva perle (strict autentice) din ziarele noastre mai vechi sau mai noi:
Detaliu nefericit, aceasta femeie fusese deja victima unui accident
mortal cu un an inainte (Libertatea)
(Libertatea) Din nou ieri se formase coada, in fata gaurii de pe Calea Vacaresti
(Libertatea)
In acea noapte fatala, hemoroizii il impiedicau sa inchida ochii ...
(Libertatea)
Firul vietii victimei a fost sugrumat cu salbaticie, cu multiple
lovituri de cutit
Misterul femeii taiate in bucati ramine intreg ! (Ev.Zilei)
Biserica fiind in reparatii, victimele accidentului au fost comemorate in sala de festivitati a primariei (Ev. Zilei)
Toti portau o cirpa la brat (Ev. Zilei)
Mai comod, mai modern si mai nefalsificabil, avem la dispozitie noul
carnet de conducere (Ev. Zilei)
Arestarea s-a operat fara infuziune de sange (National)
Familia multumeste calduros celor care au luat parte la decesul
scumpei lor Elisabeta M. (Romania Libera, decese)
Apa oceanului si clima sunt foarte umede in aceasta regiune (Romania Libera)
Raportul politiei releva ca victima s-a sinucis singura (Actualitatea
Banateana)
Spitalul judetean a fost dotat cu un aparat de reanimare dupa ultimul strigat (Monitorul de Cluj)
Cind s-a sinucis nefericita femeie ? Oare si-a gasit moartea inainte
de a se arunca in apele Muresului ? (Monitorul de Timisoara)
Gaurile din lenjeria lui lasau sa se intrevada o familie saraca
(Monitorul de Timisoara)
Vinatoarea in Vrancea: mai putini cerbi, dar mai numerosi (revista
AGVPS)
Isi misca coada in cadenta, ca un soldat la parada (revista AGVPS)
Din cauza caldurii, muzicantii fanfarei nu vor purta decit cascheta
uniformei (Romania Libera, 1934)
Ultimele lui cuvinte au fost o tacere sfidatoare (Glasul Bucurestilor,
1921)
Tombola Societatii Banatene Amicii Animalelor: nr. 5338 castiga o
pusca de vanatoare (Bega, 1924)
La Bacau, sarbatorirea zilei de 1 Mai va avea loc pe 1 Mai (Scanteia,1984)
Este Tirgul anual al vitelor si porcinelor, veniti cit mai multi !
(Scanteia, 1967)
Detaliu nefericit, aceasta femeie fusese deja victima unui accident
mortal cu un an inainte (Libertatea)
(Libertatea) Din nou ieri se formase coada, in fata gaurii de pe Calea Vacaresti
(Libertatea)
In acea noapte fatala, hemoroizii il impiedicau sa inchida ochii ...
(Libertatea)
Firul vietii victimei a fost sugrumat cu salbaticie, cu multiple
lovituri de cutit
Misterul femeii taiate in bucati ramine intreg ! (Ev.Zilei)
Biserica fiind in reparatii, victimele accidentului au fost comemorate in sala de festivitati a primariei (Ev. Zilei)
Toti portau o cirpa la brat (Ev. Zilei)
Mai comod, mai modern si mai nefalsificabil, avem la dispozitie noul
carnet de conducere (Ev. Zilei)
Arestarea s-a operat fara infuziune de sange (National)
Familia multumeste calduros celor care au luat parte la decesul
scumpei lor Elisabeta M. (Romania Libera, decese)
Apa oceanului si clima sunt foarte umede in aceasta regiune (Romania Libera)
Raportul politiei releva ca victima s-a sinucis singura (Actualitatea
Banateana)
Spitalul judetean a fost dotat cu un aparat de reanimare dupa ultimul strigat (Monitorul de Cluj)
Cind s-a sinucis nefericita femeie ? Oare si-a gasit moartea inainte
de a se arunca in apele Muresului ? (Monitorul de Timisoara)
Gaurile din lenjeria lui lasau sa se intrevada o familie saraca
(Monitorul de Timisoara)
Vinatoarea in Vrancea: mai putini cerbi, dar mai numerosi (revista
AGVPS)
Isi misca coada in cadenta, ca un soldat la parada (revista AGVPS)
Din cauza caldurii, muzicantii fanfarei nu vor purta decit cascheta
uniformei (Romania Libera, 1934)
Ultimele lui cuvinte au fost o tacere sfidatoare (Glasul Bucurestilor,
1921)
Tombola Societatii Banatene Amicii Animalelor: nr. 5338 castiga o
pusca de vanatoare (Bega, 1924)
La Bacau, sarbatorirea zilei de 1 Mai va avea loc pe 1 Mai (Scanteia,1984)
Este Tirgul anual al vitelor si porcinelor, veniti cit mai multi !
(Scanteia, 1967)
Cu lacrimi Bastus!
Sau m-oi fi dus eu in alt loc ? 
Cu cateva luni in urma, pe
eurosport.co.uk s-a facut un sondaj in legatura cu cel mai mare jucator de fotbal al anilor '90. Dupa ce in ziua aia au fost peste 100,000 de voturi si Hagi si Stoitckov aveau cam 48% fiecare, diferenta mergand catre
Romario, Batistuta si inca vreo cativa asi ai fotbalului mondial, webmasterii s-au hotarat sa inchida poll-ul intrucat au considerat ca sistemul de vot era viciat.
Se pare ca un roman le-a trimis urmatorul mesaj:
Letter to EuroSport
Dear EuroSport.co.uk,
I am very disappointed that you took down the poll for "player
of the 90's", due to very heavy voting from Romania and Bulgaria.
Frankly, I do not understand what we did wrong. I understand that you were upset because top players such as Romario and Batistuta received very few votes compared to Hagi and Stoitckov. Is there a chance that this happened because nobody gave a damn about Romario and Batistuta?
Maybe Brazil and Argentina do not have very good Internet connection, or maybe they are too busy actually playing football instead of voting it? As Romanians, we do give a damn about Hagi, as the current generation of players is quite retarded, as you could see for yourself in the Mutu case.
However, he did screw a couple of your women, so you might as well
give him credit for that. Returning to Hagi, I remember that the
Romanian team, having Hagi as captain, did kick your royal British asses
(or "arses", as you call them) a couple of times, so you should
have been proud to be beaten by the "player of the 90's". And yes,
we did kick the asses of Batistuta's team in the 1994 World CupTournament.
Maybe you were upset because some Romanians voted for several times from the same computer. However, this could have been prevented easily if your voting script was properly programmed.
You see, every computer has a unique Internet address, which is
called IP (read as "I Pee"). I understand that you are very poor and
that you must use your reporters to do your Web Programming, but
next time you should consider hiring some Romanian high school students. They will do it properly, and they are also cheap. Honestly, you should not be mad at us for voting in such large numbers.
After all, this means that you received a very large number of
visits to your site from Romania, which is remarkable considering
the fact that your site is so shitty. Keep posting polls like that, and your
traffic may reach new, unimaginable heights.
It is a shame that the idea of Fair Play, which was your creation, is not found too often in your everyday life. I am sure that you will find a better way to select the "player of the 90's", which will prevent Romanians from voting. What about taxing a 1000-euro per vote, is this a good idea?
Please excuse my Romanian English, which may sound horrible to your ears. I can assure you that the feeling is mutual, and that I don't give a rat's ass on your Cambridge language tests.
However,
I am pretty sure that if I tell you to go fuck yourselves, you
will understand.
Yours truly,
Naspa Rau (loosely translated as Awfully Bad)
Nu stiu daca e autentic, dar in orice caz e savuros
eurosport.co.uk s-a facut un sondaj in legatura cu cel mai mare jucator de fotbal al anilor '90. Dupa ce in ziua aia au fost peste 100,000 de voturi si Hagi si Stoitckov aveau cam 48% fiecare, diferenta mergand catre
Romario, Batistuta si inca vreo cativa asi ai fotbalului mondial, webmasterii s-au hotarat sa inchida poll-ul intrucat au considerat ca sistemul de vot era viciat.
Se pare ca un roman le-a trimis urmatorul mesaj:
Letter to EuroSport
Dear EuroSport.co.uk,
I am very disappointed that you took down the poll for "player
of the 90's", due to very heavy voting from Romania and Bulgaria.
Frankly, I do not understand what we did wrong. I understand that you were upset because top players such as Romario and Batistuta received very few votes compared to Hagi and Stoitckov. Is there a chance that this happened because nobody gave a damn about Romario and Batistuta?
Maybe Brazil and Argentina do not have very good Internet connection, or maybe they are too busy actually playing football instead of voting it? As Romanians, we do give a damn about Hagi, as the current generation of players is quite retarded, as you could see for yourself in the Mutu case.
However, he did screw a couple of your women, so you might as well
give him credit for that. Returning to Hagi, I remember that the
Romanian team, having Hagi as captain, did kick your royal British asses
(or "arses", as you call them) a couple of times, so you should
have been proud to be beaten by the "player of the 90's". And yes,
we did kick the asses of Batistuta's team in the 1994 World CupTournament.
Maybe you were upset because some Romanians voted for several times from the same computer. However, this could have been prevented easily if your voting script was properly programmed.
You see, every computer has a unique Internet address, which is
called IP (read as "I Pee"). I understand that you are very poor and
that you must use your reporters to do your Web Programming, but
next time you should consider hiring some Romanian high school students. They will do it properly, and they are also cheap. Honestly, you should not be mad at us for voting in such large numbers.
After all, this means that you received a very large number of
visits to your site from Romania, which is remarkable considering
the fact that your site is so shitty. Keep posting polls like that, and your
traffic may reach new, unimaginable heights.
It is a shame that the idea of Fair Play, which was your creation, is not found too often in your everyday life. I am sure that you will find a better way to select the "player of the 90's", which will prevent Romanians from voting. What about taxing a 1000-euro per vote, is this a good idea?
Please excuse my Romanian English, which may sound horrible to your ears. I can assure you that the feeling is mutual, and that I don't give a rat's ass on your Cambridge language tests.
However,
I am pretty sure that if I tell you to go fuck yourselves, you
will understand.
Yours truly,
Naspa Rau (loosely translated as Awfully Bad)
Nu stiu daca e autentic, dar in orice caz e savuros
Cu lacrimi Bastus!
Ora 3:15 noaptea, in Bucuresti. La ambasada Federatiei Ruse in Romania
suna telefonul. Ofiterul de serviciu se trezeste cu greu si raspunde:
- Alo, ambasada Rusiei, ofiter Karpov la telefon!
- Buna dimineata domnule Karpov, puteti sa-mi spuneti cate este ceasul,
va rog? se aude vocea de la capatul celalalt al firului.
Karpov se uita la ceas si raspunde:
- Este ora 3 si 20 noaptea!
- Multumesc, spune interlocutorul si inchide.
"Ah, cati nebuni au voie sa dea telefon..." gandeste ofiterul Karpov si
se culca la loc.
Dupa vreo 10 minute suna din nou telefonul. Karpov se trezeste din nou
si, iritat, raspunde:
- Alo, ambasada Rusiei, ofiter Karpov la telefon!
- Buna dimineata, tot eu sunt, replica interlocutorul. Puteti sa-mi
spuneti din nou cat este ceasul?
Karpov se uita din nou la ceas:
- Este ora 3 si jumatate dimineata...
- Bine, multumesc, spune celalalt si inchide.
"Ah, ce noapte infernala" gandeste Karpov si se duce din nou in pat. Dupa
inca un sfert de ora, telefonul suna din nou insistent. De data
asta Karpov sare din pat, ridica nervos receptorul si urla:
- Alo, Ambasada Rusiei, Karpov la telefon!
- Buna dimineata domnule Karpov, tot eu sunt! Mai spuneti-mi o data cat
este ceasul!
- Este ora... da' stimate domn, lasa-ma odata in pace! Aici e ambasada
Rusiei, suna domnule la robot!
- Da' ce, spune celalalt, robotul mi-a luat mie pendula in '45?
suna telefonul. Ofiterul de serviciu se trezeste cu greu si raspunde:
- Alo, ambasada Rusiei, ofiter Karpov la telefon!
- Buna dimineata domnule Karpov, puteti sa-mi spuneti cate este ceasul,
va rog? se aude vocea de la capatul celalalt al firului.
Karpov se uita la ceas si raspunde:
- Este ora 3 si 20 noaptea!
- Multumesc, spune interlocutorul si inchide.
"Ah, cati nebuni au voie sa dea telefon..." gandeste ofiterul Karpov si
se culca la loc.
Dupa vreo 10 minute suna din nou telefonul. Karpov se trezeste din nou
si, iritat, raspunde:
- Alo, ambasada Rusiei, ofiter Karpov la telefon!
- Buna dimineata, tot eu sunt, replica interlocutorul. Puteti sa-mi
spuneti din nou cat este ceasul?
Karpov se uita din nou la ceas:
- Este ora 3 si jumatate dimineata...
- Bine, multumesc, spune celalalt si inchide.
"Ah, ce noapte infernala" gandeste Karpov si se duce din nou in pat. Dupa
inca un sfert de ora, telefonul suna din nou insistent. De data
asta Karpov sare din pat, ridica nervos receptorul si urla:
- Alo, Ambasada Rusiei, Karpov la telefon!
- Buna dimineata domnule Karpov, tot eu sunt! Mai spuneti-mi o data cat
este ceasul!
- Este ora... da' stimate domn, lasa-ma odata in pace! Aici e ambasada
Rusiei, suna domnule la robot!
- Da' ce, spune celalalt, robotul mi-a luat mie pendula in '45?
Cu lacrimi Bastus!