Raspunsuri de la copii:
De ce circula singele in corp?
Sangele umbla prin corp, ca sa ii prinda pe microbi si sa ii inece.(6 ani).
La ce folosesc sprancenele?
Sprancenele folosesc ca sa tina fruntea sus, sa nu-i vina fruntea pe ochi. (6 ani)
De ce ne spalam cu sapun?
Noi ne spalam, ca sa dam sapun in ochi la microbi. (5 ani)
Ce sunt amprentele?
Amprentele e cand punem mana pe o clanta si raman degetele acolo si le gaseste politia. (8 ani)
Ce este sufletul?
Suflet e cand iti pune mama prajituri pe farfurie si ii lasi prajituri si lu ala mic. (8 ani)
Sufletul are o forma de inima. (8 ani)
Ce este tristetea?
Tristete inseamna cand un om vine la altul si bea mult. (7 ani)
De ce se pun potcoave la cai?
La cal se pune potcoave, sa nu cada calul pe spate, atunci cand pune frana, calul se intepeneste in potcoave. (9 ani)
Ce inseamna cuvantul "modern"?
Modern e cand vezi ceva frumos si e scump si n-ai bani. (7 ani)
Cum se face parfumul?
Parfumul se face din apa, dop si din parfum. (5 ani)
Cum se inteleg pasarile sau animalele intre ele, daca noi, oamenii, vorbim si de multe ori nu ne intelegem? Pasarile sau animalele vin unele langa altele si vorbesc in soapta si noua ne spun numai "miau". (10 ani)
Ce este timpul?
Timpul este o vreme care trece tot timpul. (5 ani)
Ce sunt buruienile?
Buruienile sunt niste plante folositoare doar lor. (12 ani)
Ce este acela un secret?
Secretul este atunci cand nu trebuie sa stie militia. (6 ani)
Ce este zambetul?
A zambi inseamna sa razi parca in gandul tau. (8 ani)
A zambi este cand niste oameni rad cu gura inchisa, ca sa nu deranjeze oamenii de la bloc. (7 ani)
La ce foloseste steagul?
Steagul foloseste, ca atunci cand veneau turcii peste noi, ei nu stiau pe ce tara veneau si atunci noi le aratam steagul si dupa aia ei stiau.
Ce este acela un minister?
Minister inseamna, ca sa te duci acolo sa te razbuni. (9 ani)
Minister este o incapere mare unde se aduna toti ministrii ca sa faca sedinte pentru a imbunatati cartierul lor. (9 ani)
Ce este igiena?
Igiena este cand vin neamurile si vad ce curat e in casa. (7 ani)
Din ce se face sapunul?
Sapunul se face din mai multi clabuci, la un loc. (6 ani)
De ce isi fac oamenii cadouri?
Oamenii isi fac cadouri, ca sa nu fie nesimtiti. (7 ani)
De ce da dirijorul din maini, cu un bat, cand dirijeaza?
Dirijorul da din maini, ca sa arate ducerea sunetului. (11 ani)
Dirijorul are un bat in mana, ca e urat sa arate cu degetul, la ala care canta cu contrabasul ca sa vada cum merge simfonia. (10 ani)
De ce gaina nu zboara pe sus, ca alte pasari?
Gaina nu zboara pe sus ca celelalte pasari, pentru ca-i e frica sa nu scape oul, cand ii vine sa-l faca. (10 ani)
Bancuri
Moderatori: johnnybravo, dr.pike, tudor, Adelin, Moderatori
Nu numai la noi se intimpla:)
KIDS SCHOOL ANSWERS
Some grade school teachers keep journals of amusing things their students have written in papers. Here are a few examples:
The **** of "I give" is "I take."
The parts of speech are lungs and air.
The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
(Define H2O and CO2.) H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.
The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator.
Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.
The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.
One by-product of raising cattle is calves.
To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.
The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
The climate is hottest next to the Creator.
Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings.
The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.
In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.
Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.
A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.
KIDS SCHOOL ANSWERS
Some grade school teachers keep journals of amusing things their students have written in papers. Here are a few examples:
The **** of "I give" is "I take."
The parts of speech are lungs and air.
The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
(Define H2O and CO2.) H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.
The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator.
Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.
The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.
One by-product of raising cattle is calves.
To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.
The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
The climate is hottest next to the Creator.
Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings.
The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.
In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.
Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.
A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.
Mai tari:
KIDS' SCIENCE ANSWERS
The following are all quotes from 11-year-olds' science exams:
"The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs; and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u."
"When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."
"When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."
"The three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars."
"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
"Respiration is composed of two acts - first inspiration, and then expectoration."
"Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull."
"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."
"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."
"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
"For a nose bleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops."
"For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artifical perspiration."
"For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor."
"For dog bite: Put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it."
"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."
"To prevent contraception: Wear a condominium."
"For head cold: Use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat."
"To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."
Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 Degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.
There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up here these days.
Lime is a green-tasting rock.
Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.
Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother.
Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.
We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.
In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's.
Clouds are high flying fogs.
I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.
Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.
Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.
A blizzard is when it snows sideways.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.
It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.
Wind is like the air, only pushier.
KIDS' SCIENCE ANSWERS
The following are all quotes from 11-year-olds' science exams:
"The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs; and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u."
"When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."
"When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."
"The three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars."
"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
"Respiration is composed of two acts - first inspiration, and then expectoration."
"Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull."
"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."
"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."
"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
"For a nose bleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops."
"For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artifical perspiration."
"For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor."
"For dog bite: Put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it."
"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."
"To prevent contraception: Wear a condominium."
"For head cold: Use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat."
"To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."
Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 Degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.
There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up here these days.
Lime is a green-tasting rock.
Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.
Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother.
Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.
We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.
In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's.
Clouds are high flying fogs.
I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.
Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.
Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.
A blizzard is when it snows sideways.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.
It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.
Wind is like the air, only pushier.
Incepe scoala. Elevii de clasa a IX-a pasesc emotionati pentru prima oara in curtea liceului. Studiaza orarul unde descopera cu mirare si incantare o materie noua: EDUCATIE SEXUALA.
La prima ora, evident, NU LIPSESTE NIMENI. Asteptau cu emotie sa vina profesorul.Bai nenica si intra o profesoara...TRAZNET !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Baietii raman cu gura cascata. Ce picioare, ce decolteu...ce fund...si ce...si ce... !!!!
- Buna ziua dragi elevi...zice ea...
- Buna ziuaaaaaaaaaaaaa.raspund emotionati si deja excitati elevii.
- Ma numesc Manuela Scarlat si sunt profesoara voastra de educatie sexuala. La ora noastra vom vorbi in principal despre DRAGOSTE.
Elevii tremurau deja...
- Dupa cum poate stiti, dragostea este de mai multe feluri: dragostea dintre barbat si femeie, dragostea dintre femeie si femeie, dragostea dintre barbat si barbat si dragostea fata de patrie PE CARE O VOM STUDIA PANA LA SFARSITUL ANULUI.
La prima ora, evident, NU LIPSESTE NIMENI. Asteptau cu emotie sa vina profesorul.Bai nenica si intra o profesoara...TRAZNET !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Baietii raman cu gura cascata. Ce picioare, ce decolteu...ce fund...si ce...si ce... !!!!
- Buna ziua dragi elevi...zice ea...
- Buna ziuaaaaaaaaaaaaa.raspund emotionati si deja excitati elevii.
- Ma numesc Manuela Scarlat si sunt profesoara voastra de educatie sexuala. La ora noastra vom vorbi in principal despre DRAGOSTE.
Elevii tremurau deja...
- Dupa cum poate stiti, dragostea este de mai multe feluri: dragostea dintre barbat si femeie, dragostea dintre femeie si femeie, dragostea dintre barbat si barbat si dragostea fata de patrie PE CARE O VOM STUDIA PANA LA SFARSITUL ANULUI.
Dumnezeu sigur iubeste prostii. Altfel nu ar fi creat atat de multi!
Multi prosti, putine gloante!
Multi prosti, putine gloante!
-
mihaimircea
- veteran
- Mesaje: 825
- Membru din: 03 Aug 2005, 09:30
- Localitate: Bucuresti
- Contact:
Un politist discuta cu doi colegi:
- Bai, copilul meu e prost, nu stie cat face 1-1.
- Ba, al meu e si mai prost, zice al doilea, nu stie cat face 1+1.
Al treilea:
- Veniti la mine acasa sa vedeti ce prost e al meu.
Acasa la al treilea politist:
- Ba, Costelus, vino la tata, du-te la coltul blocului si vezi daca vin acasa.
- Bine, tati, ma duc.
Dupa cinci minute:
- Nu vii.
- Vedeti, ba?
Cei doi politisti:
- Da ma, ai dreptate, e prost rau, parca nu putea sa se uite de pe balcon!
- Bai, copilul meu e prost, nu stie cat face 1-1.
- Ba, al meu e si mai prost, zice al doilea, nu stie cat face 1+1.
Al treilea:
- Veniti la mine acasa sa vedeti ce prost e al meu.
Acasa la al treilea politist:
- Ba, Costelus, vino la tata, du-te la coltul blocului si vezi daca vin acasa.
- Bine, tati, ma duc.
Dupa cinci minute:
- Nu vii.
- Vedeti, ba?
Cei doi politisti:
- Da ma, ai dreptate, e prost rau, parca nu putea sa se uite de pe balcon!
Cu lacrimi Bastus!
Un tigan merge la un dealer de Ferrari si cumpara cea mai puternica masina din magazin.A doua zi se intoarce cu masina si spune ca transmisia e stricata....Dealeru se uita, intelege ca transmisia e stricata si ii da tiganului alta masina in locul celei cumparate. Urmatoarea zi tiganul... iar cu masina varza.Dealerul, nedumerit, il scoate pe tigan pe circuit:- Ia arata-mi si mie cum tu schimbi vitezele ca sa inteleg care-i problema...Incepe tiganu cu 1- a, a 2-a, a 3-a,a 4-a, a 5-a, a 6-a, dupa care cu un urlet de nebun striga: - Si acu' RACHETAAAA fu tu-i mo rtii masiii!!!!!! ... si schimba in "R"
Orice asemanare cu cazul Gabi Popescu este desigur intamplatoare
.
Orice asemanare cu cazul Gabi Popescu este desigur intamplatoare
.Cu lacrimi Bastus!
Niste reporteri de la TVR merg intr-un sat pentru a face un reportaj, cum isi petrece ziua baciu' Ion. Il roaga sa povesteasca ce face in cursul zilei.- Da pai, dimineata ma scol, si trag un pahar de palinca... - Stai, bace Ion. Nu va fi bine sa afla toata tara ca deja la prima ora bei. Spune si matale cum citesti ziarul... - Na, atunce... dimineata ma scol, citesc ziarul.Dupa aia dau la porc sa mince, dupa care mai citesc inc' un ziar. Pina la prinz lucrezi in atelier, in care timp citesc vreo doua-trei carti. La masa mai citesc vreo doua reviste, iar seara adun iosagul de pe cimp, dupa care urmeaza presa de seara. Dupa cina ma duc la biblioteca satului cu prietenii, iar la 10 cind inchide biblioteca merem cu toata trupa la Costel, ca el are tipografie....
Cu lacrimi Bastus!