Stiti ce e iubirea?
Lumina vietii.
Stiti ce e casatoria?
Plata luminii.
Bancuri
Moderatori: johnnybravo, dr.pike, tudor, Adelin, Moderatori
Primit pe mail de la Alec:
Subject: curaj / tupeu Curajul inseamna sa te intorci acasa la miezul noptii, sa-ti vezi nevasta asteptandu-te cu un maturoi in mana si sa o intrebi: "Inca mai faci curat, sau tocmai te pregateai sa decolezi?" Tupeul inseamna sa te intorci acasa la miezul noptii, invaluit intr-un nor de parfum, cu urme de ruj pe haine, sa-ti vezi nevasta asteptandu-te cu un maturoi in mana, si sa-i spui: "Nu te enerva, tu urmezi"
Subject: curaj / tupeu Curajul inseamna sa te intorci acasa la miezul noptii, sa-ti vezi nevasta asteptandu-te cu un maturoi in mana si sa o intrebi: "Inca mai faci curat, sau tocmai te pregateai sa decolezi?" Tupeul inseamna sa te intorci acasa la miezul noptii, invaluit intr-un nor de parfum, cu urme de ruj pe haine, sa-ti vezi nevasta asteptandu-te cu un maturoi in mana, si sa-i spui: "Nu te enerva, tu urmezi"
Chuck Norris facts:
Chuck Norris died 10 years ago, but Death is too afraid to come and take him .
Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is .
Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, he ate a fucking Indian.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.
When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please."
Chuck Norris died 10 years ago, but Death is too afraid to come and take him .
Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is .
Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, he ate a fucking Indian.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.
When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please."
Cu lacrimi Bastus!
Si varianta mai noua (si mai haioasa) : Vin Diesel facts.
1 Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fu ck down.
2 If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
3 There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.
4 Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
5 When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
6 There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in "Vin Diesel fu cks you", team.
7 In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
8 Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULL$!@%!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
9 Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
10 Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
11 Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
12 Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
13 Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.
14 Vin Diesel coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
15 When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
16 When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.
17 Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
18 If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for @&!&#s." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
19 Vin Diesel can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
20 Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.
21 Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's $!@%.
22 it takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
23On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. 1074 8.1
It takes Vin Diesel 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
24 Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
25 In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
26Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North - they point in the direction of Vin Diesel. He just likes to sit on a lawn chair and shout, "Jackets are for pus***!" at the Acrtic researchers.
27 You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
28 When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
1 Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fu ck down.
2 If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
3 There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.
4 Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
5 When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
6 There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in "Vin Diesel fu cks you", team.
7 In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
8 Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULL$!@%!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
9 Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
10 Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
11 Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
12 Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
13 Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.
14 Vin Diesel coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
15 When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
16 When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.
17 Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
18 If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for @&!&#s." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
19 Vin Diesel can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
20 Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.
21 Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's $!@%.
22 it takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
23On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. 1074 8.1
It takes Vin Diesel 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
24 Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
25 In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
26Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North - they point in the direction of Vin Diesel. He just likes to sit on a lawn chair and shout, "Jackets are for pus***!" at the Acrtic researchers.
27 You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
28 When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Cu lacrimi Bastus!
Un tip agata o femeie intr-un bar, o duce acasa... Dupa consumarea faptelor, in pat: Ea: Eu ma pricep la oameni si chiar fara sa-i cunosc dinainte pot sa stiu o gramada de lucruri despre ei. El: Nu mai spune! Despre mine ce poti spune? Ea: De exemplu, pot spune ca esti doctor. El: Formidabil, dar cum ti-ai dat seama? Ea: Simplu, de cum ai intrat in casa, te-ai spalat pe maini. El: Excelent, ce altceva mai stii? Ea: Pot sa-ti spun si ce specialitate ai! El: Asta n-o mai cred. Ea: Bine, esti anestezist. El: Formidabil, cum ti-ai dat seama? Ea: Pai, n-am simtit nimic!
Hi hi hi.Paul scrie:Buna! Sunt un virus romanesc, dar din cauza tehnologiei sarace din tara mea nu sunt in stare sa-i fac nimic calculatorului tau. Te rog sa fii dragut si sa stergi un fisier de-al tau si pretinde ca esti speriat!
Hai sa-l adaptam:Buna! Sunt virusul Paul. Din cauza tehnologiei sarace din tara mea nu sunt in stare sa-i fac nimic calculatorului tau. Te rog sa fii dragut si sa ma lasi sa sterg un topic de pe forumul tau si acum pretinde ca nu te-ai suparat!
"Pestii se prind cu undita, iar oamenii cu vorba." - Shakespeare
