Un tip se duce la biserica sa se spovedeasca. Preotul îl întreaba:
- Ai facut pacate?
- Da parinte.
- Te lepezi de Satana?
- M-as lepada parinte, dar am 2 copii cu ea.
________________________________________________________
Indianul junior isi intraba tatal:
-Taticule!! Cum dau indienii nume copiilor lor??
-Cand se naste un bebe, tatal ii da numele primului lucru care il vede. De asta il cheama Raza de Soare pe varul tau! Dar de ce intrebi Doi caini care se ****?
si ultimele, special pentru dl.Lazea:
Dupa un chef teribil cu bere rece ca gheata, Costica a ragusit si merge la prietenul lui de pahar, sa-i zicem... Vasile. Suna si in usa apare sotia acestuia.
- Vasile e acasa? abia putu sopti Costica.
La fel de mistrerios, doamna sopteste:
- Nu, intra repede sa nu ne vada careva...
Legea lui Arhimede - varianta ardelenească:
"Un lucru cioflincat într-un tău pociomostăşte hapt atîta apă pont cît îi tarhetu' lui."
Bancuri
Moderatori: johnnybravo, dr.pike, tudor, Adelin, Moderatori
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costica_fishing
- veteran
- Mesaje: 2092
- Membru din: 21 Mai 2004, 11:45
- Localitate: Constanta
- Contact:
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ravenheart
- veteran
- Mesaje: 555
- Membru din: 15 Iul 2005, 09:51
- Localitate: Bistrita
- Contact:
Sotul intra in pat si-i sopteste sotiei la ureche: "Sunt fara chiloti"
Sotia: "Lasa-ma sa dorm, maine am sa-ti spal o pereche"
Doi prieteni stau de vorbă la cârciumă:
- De ce să-mi cumpăr mașină dacă toți prietenii mei au și mă pot servi?
- Asta i-am spus si eu soției tale când m-a întrebat de ce nu mă însor...
Sotia: "Lasa-ma sa dorm, maine am sa-ti spal o pereche"
Doi prieteni stau de vorbă la cârciumă:
- De ce să-mi cumpăr mașină dacă toți prietenii mei au și mă pot servi?
- Asta i-am spus si eu soției tale când m-a întrebat de ce nu mă însor...
Dark, morbid, a poet and singer, your death and my resurrection. I am a warrior, a shadow lord. I am the one who troubles your mind. I am the one that you always try to subdue, I am the moon frost, the superior race, the one you'll never achieve.
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Fario_nebunu
- veteran
- Mesaje: 3014
- Membru din: 30 Ian 2008, 11:10
- Localitate: Bucuresti
The Pope arrives in heaven, where St. Peter awaites him. St. Peter asks who he is.
The Pope: "I am the pope."
St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."
The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."
St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."
The Pope: "But I am the leader of the Catholic Church ..."
St. Peter: "The Catholic church ... Never heard of it ... Wait, I'll check with the boss."
St. Peter walks away through Heaven's Gate to talk with God.
St. Peter: "There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth."
God: "I don't have a representative on earth, not that I know of ... Wait, I'll ask Jesus." (yells for Jesus)
Jesus: "Yes father, what's up?"
God and St. Peter explain the situation.
Jesus: "Wait, I'll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow."
Ten minutes pass and Jesus reenters the room laughing out loud. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he's laughing.
Jesus: "Remember that fishing club I've started 2000 years ago? It still exists!"
The Pope: "I am the pope."
St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."
The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."
St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."
The Pope: "But I am the leader of the Catholic Church ..."
St. Peter: "The Catholic church ... Never heard of it ... Wait, I'll check with the boss."
St. Peter walks away through Heaven's Gate to talk with God.
St. Peter: "There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth."
God: "I don't have a representative on earth, not that I know of ... Wait, I'll ask Jesus." (yells for Jesus)
Jesus: "Yes father, what's up?"
God and St. Peter explain the situation.
Jesus: "Wait, I'll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow."
Ten minutes pass and Jesus reenters the room laughing out loud. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he's laughing.
Jesus: "Remember that fishing club I've started 2000 years ago? It still exists!"
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Fario_nebunu
- veteran
- Mesaje: 3014
- Membru din: 30 Ian 2008, 11:10
- Localitate: Bucuresti
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ravenheart
- veteran
- Mesaje: 555
- Membru din: 15 Iul 2005, 09:51
- Localitate: Bistrita
- Contact:
1. When I was born, I was given a choice: A big d*ck or a good memory... I don't remember what I chose...
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is an s*x object. Every time you ask for s*x, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying: 'No hard feelings.....'
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men: 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of s*x in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge... If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone s*x once, but the holes in the dialler were too small...
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.
He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.........
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man’s life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife don’t.
16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
17. Despite the old saying: 'Don't take your troubles to bed'.
Many men still sleep with their wives!!
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is an s*x object. Every time you ask for s*x, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying: 'No hard feelings.....'
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men: 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of s*x in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge... If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone s*x once, but the holes in the dialler were too small...
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.
He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.........
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man’s life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife don’t.
16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
17. Despite the old saying: 'Don't take your troubles to bed'.
Many men still sleep with their wives!!
Dark, morbid, a poet and singer, your death and my resurrection. I am a warrior, a shadow lord. I am the one who troubles your mind. I am the one that you always try to subdue, I am the moon frost, the superior race, the one you'll never achieve.
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ravenheart
- veteran
- Mesaje: 555
- Membru din: 15 Iul 2005, 09:51
- Localitate: Bistrita
- Contact:
Cica Oedip, satul de faptul ca toata lumea stia ce-a facut in Theba lui natala, se hotaraste sa emigreze in America. Ajuns pe taramul fagaduintei, Oedip intra intr-un bar, iar un negru il saluta. "Hello, motherfucker!"
Dark, morbid, a poet and singer, your death and my resurrection. I am a warrior, a shadow lord. I am the one who troubles your mind. I am the one that you always try to subdue, I am the moon frost, the superior race, the one you'll never achieve.
Bancuri IT ...
Bancuri IT
Doi programatori intr-un bar:
- Vezi tipa aceia? Vezi ce “propertiesâ€
Doi programatori intr-un bar:
- Vezi tipa aceia? Vezi ce “propertiesâ€
Merge linistit trenul pe calea ferata si brusc o ia la dreapta !
Iese de pe calea ferata si o ia prin aratura, porumb, cartofi,
lucerna, iar porumb, padure, cartofi, iar lucerna si iese inapoi
la calea ferata si merge mai departe. Pasagerii socati, se duc la
mecanic sa vada care-i treaba. Intrebat de cele intamplate,
mecanicul le raspunde :
- Era unul la vreo 200 m, care se caca pe calea ferata, ce era sa fac ?!
Pasagerii :
-Trebuia sa-l calci, in mortii ma-sii !
Mecanicul :
-Pai numai in lucerna l-am ajuns !!!
Iese de pe calea ferata si o ia prin aratura, porumb, cartofi,
lucerna, iar porumb, padure, cartofi, iar lucerna si iese inapoi
la calea ferata si merge mai departe. Pasagerii socati, se duc la
mecanic sa vada care-i treaba. Intrebat de cele intamplate,
mecanicul le raspunde :
- Era unul la vreo 200 m, care se caca pe calea ferata, ce era sa fac ?!
Pasagerii :
-Trebuia sa-l calci, in mortii ma-sii !
Mecanicul :
-Pai numai in lucerna l-am ajuns !!!
Dumnezeu sigur iubeste prostii. Altfel nu ar fi creat atat de multi!
Multi prosti, putine gloante!
Multi prosti, putine gloante!
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ravenheart
- veteran
- Mesaje: 555
- Membru din: 15 Iul 2005, 09:51
- Localitate: Bistrita
- Contact:
A movie producer had called together several big name celebs to kick some
ideas around. The project was an action docu-drama about famous composers
featuring Stallone, Van Damme, and Schwarzenegger in the leading roles.
The producer really wanted the box office 'oomph' of these three, and was
prepared to allow them to select what famous composers they would portray.
"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play
him."
"Chopin has always been my favorite," said Van Damme, I'll play him."
Things were going well; the producers were pleased.
"Sounds splendid. And who do you want to be, Arnold?"
"I'll be Bach." replied Arnold.
Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $64,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the M.C. that he desired a question on American History.
The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The M.C. stepped up to the mike. "Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away $64,000 dollars richer. Are you ready?" Bob nodded with a cocky confidence-the crowd went nuts. He hadn't missed a question all week. "Bob, your question on American History is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer either part first. As a rule, the second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?" Bob was now becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn't believe it, but he was drawing a blank. American History was his easiest subject, but he played it safe. "I'll try the easier part first." The M.C. nodded approvingly. "Here we go Bob. I will ask you the second half first, then the first half." The audience silenced with gross anticipation. "Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?"
ideas around. The project was an action docu-drama about famous composers
featuring Stallone, Van Damme, and Schwarzenegger in the leading roles.
The producer really wanted the box office 'oomph' of these three, and was
prepared to allow them to select what famous composers they would portray.
"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play
him."
"Chopin has always been my favorite," said Van Damme, I'll play him."
Things were going well; the producers were pleased.
"Sounds splendid. And who do you want to be, Arnold?"
"I'll be Bach." replied Arnold.
Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $64,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the M.C. that he desired a question on American History.
The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The M.C. stepped up to the mike. "Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away $64,000 dollars richer. Are you ready?" Bob nodded with a cocky confidence-the crowd went nuts. He hadn't missed a question all week. "Bob, your question on American History is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer either part first. As a rule, the second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?" Bob was now becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn't believe it, but he was drawing a blank. American History was his easiest subject, but he played it safe. "I'll try the easier part first." The M.C. nodded approvingly. "Here we go Bob. I will ask you the second half first, then the first half." The audience silenced with gross anticipation. "Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?"
Dark, morbid, a poet and singer, your death and my resurrection. I am a warrior, a shadow lord. I am the one who troubles your mind. I am the one that you always try to subdue, I am the moon frost, the superior race, the one you'll never achieve.